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     If you had ever glanced at my top ten list, you would probably notice that “An Inconvenient Truth” is in my top ten comedies. Now I’m sure the majority of you are kind of curious as to why I would put a movie of this caliber in the comedy category. Well, quite simply because it makes me laugh. What's even funnier, I’ve never seen the movie. Don’t have to. The movie itself is not what makes me laugh; it’s the hype surrounding this cinema that I find comical.

     First off, no one went to this movie to decide on whether or not global warming is actually a legitimate concern or not. The people that went to see this had already decided for themselves that global warming is earth’s eventual nail in the coffin. It’s one of those things where the viewer agrees with the subject matter, and that is why they view it. So the knowing now knows more, while the rest really just don’t care enough to spend ten dollars on such a film. For them, it’s not even worth their time to watch because people just don’t pay attention to things that don’t interest them. If the majority of the population was really concerned about this so called dilemma, then we wouldn’t have a dilemma on our hands to begin with. But apparently we do because Al Gore says so. The only thing is, good old Al really has no say in such a thing anymore. He is not the president, so people don’t have to listen to him. In fact, half the population already decided they don’t want to listen to him since they didn’t vote for him to begin with. And he’s no celebrity since he’s never partied with Paris. If you’re not a celebrity, than you’re a nobody and what you have to say is certainly not noteworthy. So to think that after all the hard work Albert Gore put into his film, nothing worthy will come from his words.

     But now if he really wanted to make a difference, he would have stayed in politics. Weekend movie goers don’t change the world; people with power change the world. And if I remember correctly, the last time he was in power, he was pushing himself out without a fight. Even when Gore was in a position to gain supreme power, he used his current political position to exile himself from power. So, way to go Gore. You could have had it all, now you get nothing, nada, zero, zilch. If this whole global warming epidemic is really so apocalyptic, then you should have done something instead of nothing when you were in power. Because the ultimate irony in all of this is Al Gore’s office refusing to follow the first and most demandingly mandatory terms on fighting this global battle against ourselves. For those of you that are unfamiliar with what the Kyoto Protocol is, it basically states that we need to stop doing what we are doing because we shouldn’t be doing it to begin with. And all of this rhetoric is in the name of global warming. Many different countries from across the spectrum are participating in this treaty of environmentalism. But we’re not. So back in 1997 when Clinton and Gore were kicking it in the oval office, you think Gore would have maybe mentioned this theory of global devastation. Why is it that Gore did not speak out then when he had a voice? Was it because he didn’t care, or perhaps because the money wasn’t there to do so. Do you honestly think Gore is currently telling Bill, “I told you so?” I doubt it, just as I doubt Al Gore right now.

     It seems to me like Gore is literally riding the wave of water that is supposed to overtake us. He is hard core profiteering off of our fears. His fear mongering is making a whole lot more money with lectures and movies than being in office. Think about how much revenue is made when the only real actor that has to get paid is yourself. And it’s not exactly like there were crazy special effects in the movie. Maybe that’s why nobody wanted to see it. Perhaps if Al Gore did things that were featured in the Matrix and stopped a tsunami the same way Neo stopped all those bullets just by raising his hand, people would actually have something cool to talk about. Sure, just slap some shades on Gore and have him do some bullet-time action while dodging global warming’s fierce lightning. But because the movie had nothing hip to appeal to the youths, the main demographic of movie goers never bothered to go to see this movie. Guys didn’t care to see it because the movie offers nothing to scratch their balls to. Girls didn’t see it because Al Gore is certainly no Brad Pit. Old people didn’t care to see it because they’ll be dead long before global warming kills them. People who like happy endings didn’t want to see it because the end of the world is a real drag, and nobody wants to see such a major buzz kill. So now all you are left with are those tree hugging hippies, and you know how well their memory is with all the pot they smoke. They most likely didn’t remember a dam thing on what to do to fix this situation. Even so, no hippie has ever been in a place of power. When was the last time you saw someone with dread locks in the oval office?

     Even if the people who saw the movie remembered everything that could be done to make a difference, I doubt any of them stopped on their way home to get one of those energy saving light bulbs. Even worse, light bulbs are still left on all across the globe when nobody is in the room. So much for caring about conserving energy. You even have people out there that still use timers. Yeah, like a light bulb is gonna keep a burglar from entering your house when you’re not home. Which do you think is gonna scare off a burglar more: some sixty watt light bulb, a burglar alarm, or even a dog? I’m betting the crook is gonna go after the house with the light on. Besides, this way he can see what he’s doing and doesn’t have to worry about injuring himself.

     So let’s see, the movie is clearly not effective because it has been out for far too long for not one thing to change. People obviously don’t conserve energy. Light bulbs, TVs, and computers are left on with absolutely no remorse whatsoever. And what else is there that could be happening that’s not. Well, there sure was no mass surge of hybrid cars being bought. If cars are the number one planet polluter, then why are people still driving them as is? Is it because they don’t care, they don’t know any better, or simply can’t? Well, anybody can get a hybrid. After all, there are plenty of new and used hybrids out there on sale. As for the people that supposedly don’t know any better or don’t care, they are the ones that need enforcing. But it’s not like these people are criminals, they are just going about their lives the only way they know how. And Al’s after school special isn’t gonna do a dam thing to change their lifestyles. The only thing Gore can do now is to take his movie’s earnings and use it to lobby for environmental reform. Cause as of right now, that’s the only way he will be able to effect the environment. Actions speak louder than words. However, nobody is listening. Gore needs some sort of outrageous action to stir up some commotion. Woodrow Wilson once said, “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.” But as of right now, Gore is barely audible because nobody is paying attention. Even more importantly, his big stick isn’t sticking it to the man. And this is mainly because the only way he could accomplish this would be if he was the man.

     You know what would be effective, if Al Gore was president and made an emergency meeting during prime time television. After all, if global warming really is such an emergency, then he should use the emergency broadcasting system and interrupt some prime time TV with a siren going off in the background and red lights flashing above him. So maybe now when people go to watch Friends, or whatever crap is on TV now a days, they will finally get a clue. All he has to do is come up with some scheme about how Uncle Sam wants us to fight for liberty and freedom over CO2. Just call these pollutants communists. Oh wait, that’s old school. Carbon dioxide is of terrorist decent. So you are either with freedom or with carbon dioxide. Who is it gonna be?

     Or, Al Gore can continue on as is. In which case, he will most likely be one of those old crazy guys out on the street with a sign around his neck warning us that the end is near. Even so, that’s what it looks like as of now. Cause if he really was taking himself seriously, than he would get a real job with real working hours. There would be none of this BS about touring the US while giving the occasional interview or lecture. If he wanted to make a point, he would be touring the US with an election banner behind him. At least this way there will be no doubt as to the sincerity of his words about caring for the environment. Besides, no one likes being lectured on how they are the reason for the end of the world as we know it.

     One could even argue how he is not taking himself seriously from the report that came out about the unnecessarily large amounts of energy his mansions are consuming. But quite frankly, if your gonna argue about Gore, the fact that he is representing 90 percent of Americans with a ridiculously high energy intake will not prove anything other than the fact that he, like everyone else, is addicted to energy. This is about as surprising as the fact that Dick Cheney’s hotel preparation list shows that he likes to watch Fox News. It is also about as fascinating as the fact that John Kerry’s similar list shows that he doesn’t like tomato based products. All three of these are completely worthless because they don’t prove anything that needs to be known. While Gore’s electric bill may show that he doesn’t care about global warming, it does not prove the theory of global warming to be incorrect. All it shows is that Gore has money to burn because he doesn’t need to conserve. And of course he has gotten this expendable money from your taxes or through movie tickets you wasted money on.

     In all honesty though, nobody gives a dam about Gore’s electricity consumption because nobody conserves either. Although people obviously know how to conserve energy, but don’t do it regardless, you would think they would have realized the value of the dollar by now. People would rather have their houses heated to where they can wear a shirt instead of just wearing a sweater. But then you also have the people who can’t afford to heat their homes in the winter. These people are the biggest supporters of the existence of global warming because the only way to combat this worldly dilemma is through changing things that will put money back in their pockets. They may not care about the fact that two thirds of the carbon dioxide being produced on earth is human made, but they certainly do care about spending three dollars on a gallon of unleaded. Hell, I would believe in the Easter Bunny if you told me because of him we would get cheaper energy. So while Al Gore can invent the Internet, he can’t invent a way for the government to hand out cheaper and more environmentally friendly energies while defeating global warming. You would think the scientists had the harder end of the bargain when they had to invent things such as solar power or vehicles that run on restaurant oil. That’s right; the stuff that we fry our food in and gives us bad cholesterol can actually be used to power our automobiles. And then you have the cars that can get 100 miles to the gallon. I’ve seen the dam thing with my own two eyes.

     If such things exist, why can’t they exist in my garage? Even my lawnmower is horrible for the environment. The average lawnmower can be up to 11 percent worse than your car with its emissions. So why is it everything we are doing is destroying the world in some way or another when we have better methods to accomplish everything we do? We keep on paying these people to invent better bits of technology, but then we don’t use them. They say you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It’s like we have the answers to the questions, but nobody is calling the people raising their hands to answer the question.

     But perhaps the wrong text book is being used to gather research. Maybe the reason as to why nobody is really worried about the water levels rising is because the bible says it won’t. At the end of the passage about Noah’s Ark, the bible specifically states that never again will the water levels rise and take mass life. It looks like it’s once more science and religion going at it, and we all know how well they get along. So now when Al Gore preaches about global warming, it’s actually a form of blasphemy because his mumbo jumbo is going against the church. The bible also says that the only way earth will end is through the anti-Christ spreading lies to deceive people into false religion. But it looks like Al Gore is the one doing so because he is going against the word of the Bible. Well actually, it wouldn’t be the first time that a White House member has been rocked with such an outrageous claim. Ronald Regain was once thought to be the anti-Christ. And no, I’m not making that up.

     As for me, I don’t care about what a holy book or scientist may have to say about global warming.  I don’t care if it is a legitimate concern of apocalyptic proportions or not. I think conservation is common sense, and that’s why it should be done. When we are young, we are instructed not to leave the faucet running while we are brushing our teeth because it is wasteful. So we do it. We may not understand why it’s bad to begin with, but we do it anyway because it is bad to begin with. All causes have effects just as all bad things have consequences. I’m pretty sure only a fool would argue that the severely gluttonous amounts of waste we produce will bring absolutely no consequence what so ever. If you really think this is so, than sit in your car while it is running in a closed garage. If you are truly going to argue that toxins carry no side effect, than perhaps you have to test your theory out for yourself and see firsthand what happens when we are too stupid to stop polluting. Even if global warming is some kind of weird and wacky propaganda to use against us, I’m sure our waste will catch up to us sooner or later. Just look at what happened to New Jersey, the fabulous Garbage State, I mean Garden State.

     Then again, New Jersey isn’t all that bad. We do get first class treatment at the pump. New Jersey can not legally have people pump their own gas. We get petroleum transfer engineers, or gas station attendants as they are called, to do our dirty work. After all, when you are paying top dollar for goods, you deserve a little special treatment. It’s the oil company’s way of giving back to the people. Besides, what it takes an oil company to pay an employee for one hour, they can literally make that off of one full tank of gas. This will never change because it’s impossible for oil companies to lose a profit when they can and do charge whatever they want. When a barrel of oil goes up, so does the price of a gallon. But even as the price of a barrel goes down, the price of a gallon can go up and usually proceeds to do so anyway. And why can they do this you ask? Well, they can pretty much do whatever they want to do. It’s not like price gouging is a crime, or so one would be lead to believe. The courts did try to figure out if price gouging is punishable. But what the courts did determine is that no laws apply to the oil companies. As soon as they entered the court, the first and most important law in the judicial system was dropped. These representatives were not placed under oath and therefore were placed above the law long before the law could determine if it even applied to these people. What would it look like if some dude robbed a gas station attendant but did not have to tell the truth at his court appearance? He could go on for hours about how he does not remember that night because his recollection has faded. How is our legal system supposed to operate when those it operates upon are not forced to partake in its procedures?

     And it’s kinda funny too because you think that they could at least get big oil on pollution charges. Price gouging may not be a punishable offense, but I’m pretty sure polluting is. Then again, we are really just as accountable for their polluting products. After all, our government has encouraged it in every way possible, so we are its enabler.  Perhaps that's why Al Gore didn’t want to partake in politics anymore because he didn’t want to be held accountable for being an accomplice. Our government has given big oil ridiculous amounts of money but refuses to invest in bioenergy like it’s some form of embryonic stem cell research. I guess good old Al simply just didn’t want to provide the power to the wrong people. But wait, if he actually held a bit of political power, he could change all that. But the son of a bitch holds no such position. So it looks like we have to suffer cause some screwball won’t run for a position of power. Bravo!

     Sorry Gore, nothing personal, but if you’re gonna save the world, you might want to do something more than visit high schools. I know children are our future and all, but it seems like by the time they are old enough to be involved in politics, it might be too late. But it’s cool, you gave it your best even though your still letting the worst happen. Even though I bet you have no trouble sleeping at night because you are probably sleeping in a five-star hotel somewhere and having your breakfast brought to you in bed. But hey, when you’re able to wash down your surf-n-turf with a 1,000 dollar bottle of champagne, the future sure does seem bright and cheery. Why worry about rising water when you enjoy yachting? So now honestly, do you think Gore is gonna be able to look back on his life and say I stopped global warming through working the system, or do you think that if all he has ever accomplished was his movie, the former Vice President will be saying, “I told you so?”

“What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?” - Henry David Thoreau